Long Beach Island trip. Not a place for me (and I don’t say that often).

Interestingly, the Long Beach Island trip turned out to be very different than I had expected. I was expecting a tiny little beach town; nope, this was nothing like I had expected. Dropping all the negative thoughts that I have about this place, and considering the fact that I will try hard never to go back here, this is not such a gigantic waste of time. I actually somewhat kind of sorta enjoyed this visit. Perhaps it was due to my company. Well, here are some photos for you. If you have never been here, I suggest you try to pay this Island a visit.

From the beautiful parking lot nothing foretold the fucking disaster this place is.

This is actually kind of cute.

The color of the houses is interesting, don’t you think?

Oh, shit, this place is full of Jersey.

Yeah, just like that…

I really hope that when someone from Europe visits America for the first time…… I hope they do not come here…. They would form a very wrong opinion.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of nice and entertaining things for the consumers here.

Fun and games for the kids and such.

Little train rides that are rather cute.

The white-collar-trash dads get to chat, chill.

It’s actually pretty nice here, if you ignore the people.

Cute little suburban town.

Wish a centralized fresh food store—very admirable.

Aha! These people are making America “great again”. For themselves, I suppose. Well…. My own fault, somehow, perhaps. I got asked about my accent twice here and my Asian girlfriend is being mousy since they all stare down at the little Asian doll… Make America “great” again… Sigh.

All along, this little beach town is full of wondrous cuteness. Like this flowery ride here. Lovely, don’t you agree?

And the brightness of colors is just so super-nice.

So are the streets here.  Very cute.

Flowers are all over the place.  Love it here!  [If it was not for the people]


:-) who is trying to keep who out?

And this priceless hot dog joint?!

Of the colors?!

The free-for-all bike parking, too.  So very nice.

I’m not so sure about the trash cans that look like small-but-girthy dicks… But, hey, who am I to judge here?!

The fire hydrant reveals the age of this town.

Lots of new construction. Full of people who are very over-protective of their private space.  This is definitely Trump America here.

But I like it.

Lovely texture.

Even tough this is public grounds we get asked not-so-very-politely to leave. OK.

Still, if you ignore the people, this town is not so bad.

Just this boat alone is a good-enough reason for me to have come here. Precious.

Whoops, shit, I fucked up. I think I’m in private territory again. Lest I get yelled at, let me runofft hellz oatta herez.

I said “Hi, nice day”. Dog said “Grrrrrrr”. Dude just looked at me like “DIE!”. He looks very hungover.  It’s like 4pm. Nice! GO TRUMP! MAIK MERKA GRAIT AGAN

All along, these are million-dollar homes here, with private docks.

Yeah… Lovely.  Looks like a castle, doesn’t it?

Oh, yeah. You see what I mean?! You see?!!!

This is the kind of a house I would select for myself, had I had a chance.

Or this one, better.

Next to a Holiday Snack Bar, I hope they have beer [they did not].

Awww. I love it here, if only the residents could die off somehow.

There is even an art store here that I might as well have owned.

All the underwear you could possibly want. Right there for you.

Maybe?!  Too bad I don’t eat ’em things.

Um… It’s May…

Lovely trash can.

And even lovelier cigarette tray.

Ah. Lovely.

There is a lovely local microbrewery here with interesting architectural shapes,

I absolutely love these beer-can-shaped glasses.  Whomever came up with this idea needs to be the next President of Design.

That’s the story and I am sticking to it. Bottomline opinion about the Long Beach Island: it is full of rich white trash homophobic pieces of shit, scared for their bubble to get burst by a tiny Asian girl and I. A very unfriendly place that is otherwise quite beautiful to walk through. Kind of like Nazi Germany in its hay day: gorgeous and clean, but I sure as fuck don’t want any part of this existence and I detest it. I will not be coming back any time soon; I like the beach with horses far better, anyway, and it’s only 50 more miles.


LBI, I hope we never meet again.


p.s. we did meet a lovely couple who were spending an afternoon together, enjoying themselves. Very friendly, innocent, young, and cute. Just absolutely awesome conversation. Oh, yeah, they’re NOT FROM LBI… Yeah, figures!

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